Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
