Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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