You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
