I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
