Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
