My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
