You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
