my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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