He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
