We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
