I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
