after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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