so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
