I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
