He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
