He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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