I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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