I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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