I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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