I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
