hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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