I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got inside last night via doggy door
They are going to name an STD after you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
