dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
