omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
