Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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