just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
