I'm going to jail i love you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
