I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
