Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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