it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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