Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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