there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You ruined the universe
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
