Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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