He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize