I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
