I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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