You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
