I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
