I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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