omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
