I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
