Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
