haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I touched a dick in church today
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize