Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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