Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
