Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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