I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
