I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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