real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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