I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
