i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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