I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
