your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
