I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
