I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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