The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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