And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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