Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
