there was a trapeze. enough said
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
