There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
