I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
