Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
