He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize