woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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